January 30, 2004

Hard Earned Advice

Posted at January 30, 2004 10:31 PM in .

Uncle Patrick has given his hard won wisdom to the world.

A sample:

Just because you can stick toothpicks in your forehead and they'll stay there and it doesn't really hurt all that bad doesn't mean you should go ahead and do it, at Denny's or any other restaurant.

All those skinheads over there? They'll beat your ass.

Here's a helpful tip for job interviews: try not to stab your future boss in the arm with a freshly sharpened pencil. If you must stab someone with a pencil, have the common sense to dull the point to a state where you can be sure it won't easily break the skin.

Burt Reynolds? Nope. Tom Selleck? Uh uh. Try Chile D. Molester. Shave that fucking mustache.

Sure, she's good-lookin'. She's also crazy. Crazy as a shithouse rat. Run for your life.



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